dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
