margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
