Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
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