Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Randomize
