I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Randomize
