Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
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