Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
