i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
