Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
