I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Randomize
