I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
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