Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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