holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
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