so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Randomize
