New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
