shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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