i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
Girls should come with a carfax report
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Randomize
