An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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