I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Randomize
