I love black thongs
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
