I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
