We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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