They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
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