I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Randomize
