STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
