she woke up with a sticky ear
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
