I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
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