Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Randomize
