ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
