At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
It's not a walk of shame if you run
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Randomize
