If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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