how do flat chested girls get laid?
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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