i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
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