i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
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