just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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