does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
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