yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
