D3 body, D1 cock
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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