as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Randomize
