Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
