1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
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