Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
Randomize
