Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Randomize
