Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
it's great music for shaving your balls
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
