last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
