How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
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