is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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