I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
i think i have two assholes
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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