Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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