if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
