Swine flu. Run for my life!
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
So much rum. So many feels.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
