you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
